Haley's Hangdog Holiday Read online

  “Wait Bo—let me shut the door and keep the heat inside. We’re only staying here for a minute, so hurry up and go potty.”

  For once, Bo cooperated, sniffing for only a few seconds to find an appropriate spot, which looked to Haley like every other spot in the parking lot, and peeing for so long she wondered how he could possibly have that much in his bladder.

  She tugged on the leash. “Hurry up, Bo! It’s cold out here!”

  Bo trotted straight back to the car, evidently disliking the cold as much as Haley. When she reached the car, she heard her cell phone ringing inside.

  “That must be Gavin!” she cried, almost jumping for joy.

  She pulled on the door handle.

  But it was locked.

  AFTER RUNNING ALL THE way from his car in the portico to the banquet room, Gavin knew he looked a mess, but he didn’t care. He had to talk to Haley, and he had to do it now. He scanned the long rows of dining tables where the guests were seated awaiting their meal, but saw no sign of her. Spying Noelle sitting on one of the outside rows, he scurried behind her and tapped her shoulder.

  “Where is she?”

  “Do you mean Haley?” Noelle asked, her eyes as round as quarters.

  “Yes, of course I mean Haley.” He ran frustrated fingers through his hair. “Where is she?”

  “We thought she left with you.”

  “She’s gone?”

  “She ran out the door right after you did and neither of you came back. You didn’t take her with you?”

  “No, I left by myself. Where would she have gone?” he asked, more to himself than Noelle.

  Noelle reached up and grabbed his tie, pulling him down to her level. “She’s probably looking for you, although I don’t know why she’d bother,” Noelle hissed. “I was mortified over how you acted.”

  “That was a heck of a way for me to find out what’s going on,” he defended, knocking her hand out of the way.

  Noelle stood up abruptly, grabbing Gavin by the arm and dragging him out of the room, muttering as she went. “I don’t think you need to broadcast this to everyone at Holiday, Inc. Anyway, I can’t believe you got so mad at her, especially at a time like this.”

  “I think I have a right to be a little angry, finding out about her little meeting with Brady.”

  “Why are you upset about her appointment with Dr. Brady?”

  “Oh, so he’s a doctor, huh? I guess I’m not good enough for her? She’d rather have a doctor than an accountant?” Gavin reveled in his righteous indignation.

  “What on earth are you talking about?”

  “I’m saying I’m furious that she saw this Dr. Brady on Thursday afternoon. A total stranger. Why would she do that?”

  “As I understand it, Dr. Brady is the best gynecological oncologist around. And she was referred to him by her oncologist in Houston.”

  “You’re not making any sense. Why would someone in Houston want Haley to date an oncologist?”

  “Date him? Listen Gavin! Haley is too worried about her cancer to think about anything else. So I promise she’s not dating her oncologist.”

  Horror settled in his stomach, like a block of cement, and his mouth went so dry his voice rasped.

  “Haley has cancer?”

  Noelle gasped, her hand rising to cover her gaping mouth, tears puddling in her eyes. “Oh Gavin... I thought you knew!”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “Come on, Bo! Keep walking! No, no, no! Don’t lie down again! Arghh!”

  Haley tugged on the leash, but Bo put his head down, as if to say, “Go on... pull my collar off and see what happens.”

  “We could’ve been back to civilization in less than an hour, if you’d only cooperated. There’s no telling how long it’s been now, with you lying down to rest every fifty yards or so.”

  Haley had debated the possibility of breaking the car window with a rock, but decided she could handle an hour of freezing cold if she stayed active. However, she hadn’t counted on Bo’s intense dislike of walking in the snow. Now she regretted not choosing the slightly longer main road where they would’ve had a marginally better, though slim, chance of meeting a car.

  “I can’t carry you anymore, Bo. You’re just too fat.”

  Bo bayed, sending her a mournful look.

  “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I thought only girls were sensitive about their weight.”

  Stamping her feet to warm her legs, Haley tried not to think about the events of the evening or the fact that Gavin now hated her. She’d seen the expression on his face. If that wasn’t enough to confirm it, the fact that he drove away and refused to answer his phone made his feelings perfectly clear.

  She was more upset by how hurt Gavin looked than the fact that they would never be together again. She’d long ago given up any real hope that they could be together—get married, have a family. But she hated knowing she was responsible for the agonized expression on his face when he overheard her conversation with Noelle.

  “I wonder when I quit shivering,” she mumbled, having recently read an article stating that mild hypothermia caused shivering, but shivering stopped when hypothermia progressed to the next level.

  Wouldn’t it be ironic to freeze to death tonight when I’ve been so worried about dying from cancer?

  Headlights and the sound of a motor alerted her to a car driving down from Red Rocks. Bo stood up, running in circles and barking like he was leading cheers at a ball game. Haley didn’t know who was coming down from Red Rocks this time of night, but she hoped they had room for a freezing bedraggled girl and fat stubborn Basset Hound. As the car drew close, she waved her hands, and it stopped, the headlights still blinding her.

  The door opened and a voice cried out, “Haley! Oh, thank God!”

  “Gavin?”

  His voice was hoarse and she could tell he’d been crying. “By the time I turned my phone on and got your messages, it was... I was so afraid and... Then when I found your empty car, I thought... Thank God, you’re alive!”

  Gavin’s strong arms wrapped around her, squeezing so tight her lungs couldn’t expand.

  But she didn’t mind... Having his arms around her felt better than breathing.

  GAVIN DROVE STRAIGHT toward his house, determined to get Haley bundled up and warm under his watchful eye. His muscles trembled from head to toe, tensed and ready to fight off some unseen and imagined attacker.

  Is this what it feels like to have cancer? Like you’re fighting for your life in a dark alley against invisible thugs?

  “Gavin, about what you heard at the gala...” Haley began, her shivering jaw making her words sound garbled.

  “Please, Haley... Please wait. I want... no, I need, to know you’re safe before we talk. I’m sorry I acted like an idiot tonight. I promise I’m not mad anymore.”

  “But I need to tell you—”

  “Shhh... not now.” He reached out to squeeze her hand, hoping she wouldn’t notice his adrenaline-induced shaking. “We have plenty of time for that later.”

  Arriving at his home, he carried her inside, despite her protests. His distress at how little she weighed did nothing to improve his mood. He cranked up the heat in the house and stacked her arms with a pair of drawstring flannel sleep pants, wool socks, and a heavy sweatshirt. When she came out, looking small and lost in his oversized clothes, his lungs constricted until he thought he would suffocate.

  Now I know why a mother bear kills anyone who threatens her cubs.

  Swooping her into his arms, he carried her to the couch, tucking a blanket around her. Soon she was sipping hot cocoa while he started a fire in the fireplace.

  Now, huddled together on the couch, watching the flames dancing in the fireplace, Gavin finally felt his insides uncoiling. Then and only then, with her enfolded in the safety of his arms, would he let her tell her story.

  Clamping his jaw shut, he let her speak, vowing not to interrupt, though every word she spoke heaped frustration and fear on his he
ad. He felt every emotion—the fear of the initial diagnosis, the heartbreak of losing her ovaries, the depression of feeling less than whole, the horrific pain of the surgery, the nausea and weakness of chemotherapy. All the while a throbbing pain grew in his chest, stronger and stronger, like someone was stabbing him from the inside.

  “And I didn’t want to be vain.” Her voice was hoarse from crying. “But I was hoping somehow my hair wouldn’t fall out. And then when it did, it fell out in handfuls. It was so awful. I’m glad you didn’t have to see it.”

  “I wouldn’t have cared, Haley!” Gavin cried, breaking his vow. He sat back, wiping his wet face with his hands. “I don’t understand why! Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you shut me out? Did you think I’d reject you or stop loving you? You didn’t even give me a chance. I would’ve been with you the whole time. I would never have left your side.”

  Her quiet answer cut into him like a razor. “No. I knew you’d never leave me. That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you... I knew you deserved more. So I protected you by keeping it a secret.”

  “I did deserve more, Haley!” He lurched to his feet, pacing in front of the couch, arms flinging to emphasize his words. “I deserved to know the truth. I deserved a chance to prove myself. I deserved not to agonize for two years over why you left me without any explanation. Do you have any idea how much that hurt?”

  “I didn’t want to hurt you,” she sobbed, clutching the blanket in her hands. “But you’re too good, Gavin—I had to protect you from yourself. I knew you’d never break up with me. You decided you loved me when you thought I was someone else—someone who could give you children.”

  Before he could answer, she held up her hand. “Please... just hear me out. What I’m saying is you can’t know that some day you wouldn’t grow to resent me. To regret being with me because you’re missing out.”

  Does she really think I’m that shallow? “So what if we couldn’t have babies together? We could have adopted!”

  With her face crumpling in misery, she shook her head. “You wanted your own kids—I know you did. You even talked about having one that looks like each of us.”

  “Haley, you’ve got it all backwards. I didn’t want to marry you so I could have kids. I just wanted to marry you. Kids were only an afterthought.”

  Gavin could read the doubt on her face as clearly as if it were written in bold letters on her forehead.

  “I know you believe what you’re saying, Gavin, but it still wouldn’t have been fair. I thought about it a lot, but Mom convinced me I was doing the right thing.”

  “Your mother?” He ground his teeth, pushing his hands through his hair. He wanted to punch something... or maybe someone. Inhaling slowly, he counted to five, willing himself to calm down. “Why would you listen to your mother? I thought you weren’t letting her control your life?”

  “I don’t know...” Her lower lip trembled. “She was all I had. She was my only support for the whole time. And she was different than she usually is, too—not so selfish. She took really good care of me.”

  Fuming, he pressed his lips together tight to keep his thoughts to himself. Of course she did. She got to control every single thing about your life. She used your cancer to steal you from me.

  “Gavin, it wasn’t only about losing my ovaries. I didn’t even know if I was going to live.” Her throat convulsed as she swallowed hard. “I still don’t know if I’m going to live.”

  His anger vanished, as ice-cold fear swept through his veins. “What do you mean?

  She shrunk before his eyes. “I’m having some nausea. It could be a symptom that it’s back again. And this kind of cancer... well, the survival rates aren’t good if it comes back.”

  Legs giving way, he dropped back onto the couch and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair and breathing in its fresh scent. With an ache for the years he’d missed holding her and the possibility that she could leave him yet again, he battled to keep his composure.

  “Are you saying you could still die? Is that why you went to the doctor?”

  He felt her nod against his chest.

  “Haley, I can’t lose you,” he groaned. “I just can’t.”

  “I think that’s where faith comes in,” she whispered.

  Convicted by her words, he prayed in his mind. Please God, don’t take her from me. Please let her live. And help me trust You more, Father.”

  “You’re right,” he said, tightening his arms another notch as he kissed the top of her head. “I need to have more faith, like you. Honestly, Haley, I can’t believe how brave you are.”

  Another round of tears flooded down her cheeks, and he wondered how he could comfort her.

  “I’m sorry I got so mad. Okay?” Tucking his fingers under her chin, he tilted her face upward, cringing at the sadness in her eyes. “Why don’t you finish your story? I missed out on two whole years of your life—I want to hear everything.”

  Releasing a huge shuddery breath, she shrugged, escaping his grasp to cross her arms and tuck her legs beneath her, like a turtle pulling into its shell. “There’s nothing left to tell, really... My hair started growing again, and I went back to UT and finished my degree.”

  Throwing caution to the wind, he asked the question that had been plaguing him for two years.

  “I need to know, Haley... Was there someone else?”

  “Are you asking if I dated anyone besides you?”

  “Yes. Your brother said he didn’t think you had a boyfriend, but—”

  “Tad told you that?” She stiffened, her eyes narrowing.

  “Don’t get mad at him. That’s the only thing he ever told me, and then it was only because I accused you of taking the job at Holiday, Inc. to torment me. Which you did, by the way.”

  “I didn’t torment you,” she defended.

  “You tormented me by your presence. It was like holding a warm chocolate chip cookie under my nose and telling me I couldn’t have it.”

  At least I got a little smile out of her. He followed the path of her eyes to where Bo and Daisy lay beside the hearth, with the latter producing a cacophony of snores. Ha! Maybe Daisy made her smile.

  “I haven’t dated anyone since you, Gavin.”

  Rosy red bloomed on her cheeks.

  “What about that ring I saw you wearing that day in the coffee shop? The one that looked like an engagement ring?”

  “That was Gammy’s. It’s too small to fit on my right hand, so I was wearing it on the left.”

  “I can’t believe it! Do you know how crazy that made me?” Gavin gave her a cheeky grin to reassure her that he wasn’t angry. “You do realize if I’d married Rachel, it would’ve been your fault, right? Thinking you were engaged was what drove me to propose a few months later.”

  “I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” she muttered, twisting her fingers in her lap.

  “Are you really?”

  Haley chuckled. “No. Not a bit.”

  “Please, can I hold you again?” he asked, loving how adorable she looked when she worried her lower lip while considering his request.

  “I think it’s better if I keep my distance.”

  “Fine, you can stay away, but only if you answer my questions, truthfully. So question number one is: Were you really signing up for an online dating service? I saw the login for FindLoveInDenver.com on your office computer.”

  “Oh that?” Haley giggled. “That was for you.”

  “You’d better be kidding me.” He didn’t know whether to be relieved or outraged, finally settling on both.

  “I’ll show you the profile page I made for you.” She hopped up, padding across the floor in sock-feet and returning with his laptop, quickly bringing up the website.

  “Look, here you are! I had to create fake Gmail and Facebook accounts for you, to make it look legit. But I changed your name to protect your identity.”

  “Gavin Halliwell. That’s awfully close to my real name. And cripes—you put my real pict
ure on there! I hope no one ever sees this.”

  “Oh, it’s live already, so people have seen it. Wow—you’ve already had twenty-two girls reply, and it’s only been up for three days!”

  His face felt so hot he checked to see if the extra heat was coming from the fireplace.

  “I don’t get it, Haley. Why did you sign me up for a dating service?”

  “It was part of my plan to help you move on.”

  “Let me see that,” he said, scrolling though the replies on his profile page. “What about this girl—Arianna? She’s really hot!” He made a show of licking his lips. “And it says here she likes skiing and snowboarding. And look—she loves dogs! How do I contact her?”

  The computer slammed shut on his fingers. “That’s enough,” said Haley. “I’ll get this deleted right away.”

  “I take it you’ve changed your mind about me finding another girl?” he teased, basking in the familiar feel of their friendly banter.

  Then her smile faltered. “I don’t know, Gavin. We shouldn’t rush into anything.”

  “But it’s okay if we start dating again, right?”

  She turned her face away. ”Maybe you should date some other girls, first. There might be someone out there who can give you everything you want, including children.”

  He wanted to jump up and down and scream to get his point across. I don’t care about having children! I just want to be with you.

  Instead, he gently turned her face toward him, catching her blue almond gaze and holding it. “You’re all I want, Haley. I don’t want to date anyone else.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m positive.” He gave her a teasing grin. “Unless Arianna is still available. You know, since she loves dogs and all.”

  HALEY FELT AS THOUGH a freight train had run over her emotions. Recounting the saga to Gavin was like experiencing everything all over again. As she suspected, he wanted them to start dating again, but his request was based on faulty information. She left out one key part when she shared her cancer story... she didn’t tell him how her faith had fallen to pieces. The Haley he thought he loved—the perfect Christian with the amazing faith—didn’t even exist.