Haley's Hangdog Holiday Page 19
Eventually, I have to tell him—but not today.
When she suggested going home for the night, Gavin’s face turned gray. He hemmed and hawed, insisting she should stay and have dinner, almost as if he was afraid to let her out of his sight. Still feeling guilty for the pain she’d caused, she relented, agreeing to stay if he took her home right after dinner.
She should have known that would only encourage Gavin to be extra slow preparing the meal. Honestly, how long does it take to make macaroni and cheese from a box?
Haley kept the conversation light, not trusting herself to talk about serious matters—especially their future. Patting her tummy, she pushed back from the table. “That was delicious. I had no idea how hungry I was.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Gavin returned his cell phone to his pocket and turned sideways in his chair to face her, propping his elbow on the table. “I slaved for hours over that mac ’n cheese. And I’m sure this meal was way better than the steak and shrimp everyone was forced to eat at the Holiday, Inc. gala.”
“Was Noelle mad that you forgot to call her back?”
“She was a little irritated. She wouldn’t forgive me until I agreed to wash her car.”
“I’d say you’re getting off pretty easy—just washing her car.”
“Not when I have to do it every week for the next six months.”
“Ha! What happens if you miss a week?”
Contorting his face, he put his hands on his neck and mimed choking himself. As they both broke out in laughter, she realized her body felt relaxed for the first time in a really long while.
“You know, I could really get used to this,” Gavin said.
“Used to what?”
“This.” He swept his hand around the room in a gesture so grand it even seemed to include the dogs that sat in the doorway with despondent eyes, watching their owners eat.
“I suppose we could have dinner together every night,” Haley said, her mind already warming to the idea. She hated eating alone, which was probably the reason she’d started talking to Bojangles like he was a person.
Gavin scooted his chair closer and leaned in, whispering in her ear as if to prevent the dogs from listening. “I was thinking we might have breakfast together, as well.”
His breath in her ear sent a tingle rippling down her neck, prompting an outbreak of chill bumps on her arms.
“Don’t tempt me, Gavin. You know I don’t have any willpower—not where you’re concerned.”
“We won’t need willpower if we’re married.”
“Married?” Haley choked on the word, her stomach flip-flopping inside her belly. “I told you we needed to take it slow! Don’t you think we should at least wait for the test results before we commit to anything? What if the cancer is back? It’s practically a death sentence. I can’t promise you a future right now.”
“Shhhh,” he whispered, his arms reaching out to press her head against his firm chest. “I’m not marrying your tomorrow... I’m marrying your today.”
She wanted to say yes—to pretend they could have a happily-ever-after together. As Gavin held her close, she wanted nothing more than to stay in his arms for the rest of her life. But that wouldn’t be fair to him. She knew he loved her, but she also knew she wasn’t who he thought she was. She wasn’t a good Christian—she was only a pretender.
He thinks my faith is strong—he told me over and over tonight how brave I am. He has no idea my anxiety is worse than ever and I’m a total failure at trusting God when things are really bad.
“I think we need to wait, Gavin.” She couldn’t keep the tremor out of her voice. “After all, I hid the truth from you for over two years. Even if you know I only did it to protect you, it will take time to truly forgive me.”
Pushing back, he gripped her shoulders, forcing her to look into his eyes.
“Haley, don’t you believe me now? Don’t you trust me to love you no matter what happens?”
“I tried to explain... I always knew I could trust you. You’ve never given me any reason to doubt. But...” Clenching her fingers into fists, she prepared for the worst, knowing she had no choice but to tell him the truth. “I knew I didn’t deserve you, and I still don’t.”
“That’s ridiculous, Haley! If anything, I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you! Haven’t I told you how much your faith inspires me?”
“That’s just it!” Haley twisted away from him, staring at her hands, clenched together on the table. “My faith is really weak. I’m not who you think I am, Gavin. I get scared and I don’t always trust God.”
Gavin reached out to cover her hands on the table. “Haley... do you remember the song I heard you sing that first Sunday? The one I told you about? The one that drew me to you in the beginning?”
“Yes, but Gavin, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. I sang that song, but my faith isn’t strong like the person who wrote it.”
“Can you sing it for me again? Just that first verse?”
She hesitated, feeling like the worst hypocrite in history.
“Please?”
His insistent stare pinned her in place.
With those big puppy-dog brown eyes, Gavin’s as bad as Bo—I can’t say no to him.
Praying for strength, she started singing, staring at the flickering candle on the table.
“In the night,
When I can’t see the light,
My soul calls Adonai.
Do You care?
When it hurts too much to bear?
Abba, are You there?
Abba, are You there?
You are my shepherd.
I am Your lamb.
Abba, my Father,
The great I Am.
You are my shepherd.
I am Your lamb.
I will rejoice
And follow Your voice.
I am Your lamb.”
As she held out the last note, Daisy joined in with a doleful howl, and Haley giggled, snapping out of her desolate mood. Gavin chuckled as well, though his eyes were brimming with tears.
“Do you get it now, Haley? That’s an honest song about someone who feels alone and questions God, someone who has doubts and fears, but decides to trust the Lord anyway. And if you think about it, a lamb would still be afraid of things, even though he follows his shepherd.”
“You could be right,” she murmured, “but I still feel like a total faker. Isn’t your faith supposed to make you feel brave?”
“I don’t think that’s necessarily true. I think sometimes your faith doesn’t affect your feelings at all—it’s more about your actions in spite of your feelings.”
Could it be true? Was it possible God wasn’t disappointed in her lack of faith?
Gavin stood abruptly, his chair scraping the tile floor. “Go sit by the fire for a minute, and I’ll be right back.”
After clearing the table, Haley shuffled into the den, moving awkwardly in Gavin’s oversized clothes. She breathed deeply, loving that his scent somehow lingered on his freshly laundered shirt. Curling her legs under her, she sat on the couch, basking in the warmth from the fireplace, while Bo and Daisy stretched out on the hearthrug.
Gavin returned with a small box, about the size of a mug, wrapped in candy-cane Christmas paper and sporting a big red bow. Both dogs perked up, probably hoping there was something edible inside the package. Haley panicked, realizing she hadn’t even bought him a present.
“Before you open this, I want to tell you something.” Gavin pulled a footstool over and sat facing her, placing the present beside her on the couch. Both dogs moved closer, with forlorn I-haven’t-eaten-in-a-week looks on their droopy faces.
Ignoring the persistent Basset Hounds, Gavin gazed into her eyes, his expression so intense that she expected some profound statement. “Haley, a wise man once told me if the good Lord wants us together, there’s no use in fighting it, because a few little blisters are no big deal in the grand scheme of things.”
That wa
sn’t quite the profound statement she was expecting.
“Uhmm... okay. That’s nice.”
“You know what else he said?”
“I’m a little afraid to ask.”
“He said it doesn’t matter who put the poison ivy on the flowers—you just need to kiss and make up. So I want you to know I’m not angry that you hid the truth from me. I’m sad, but I’m not angry. And I think we need to put it behind us.”
As he leaned forward, his hands coming up behind her neck to tangle in her hair, her heart began tap dancing inside her chest. She let him pull her head toward his, offering no resistance. When his warm lips brushed against hers, she shivered as if someone had dropped an ice cube down her back. Her eyes closed and lights exploded under her eyelids. As he caressed her mouth with his, her heart did jumping jacks inside her ribcage.
When he withdrew, her lids opened to find his dark arresting eyes inches away, staring... staring into the depths of her soul.
He knows the truth about me. Yet somehow, he still loves me!
“Haley?” Clearing his throat, his hands moved to sandwich around hers.
She felt his fingers shaking. “Gavin? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing... I’m just ready for you to open your Christmas present.”
“But I don’t have a present for you,” she argued. “Let’s wait until later.”
“I know this is difficult for you,” he said, his mouth twitching into a crooked grin. “But just once, could you let me have my way without making it into a debate?”
Haley gave him an exaggerated eye-roll. “Fine, we’ll do it your way. But only this one time—I don’t want you to expect it in the future.”
“Believe me, I won’t.”
She unwrapped the present and lifted the lid. Inside was a black velvet jewelry box, just the right size to hold a ring.
No! It can’t be! The walls and ceiling began to move, closing in on her, and she panted for air.
“Gavin... it’s too soon,” she rasped, a hand held to her chest, heart pounding against her ribs.
“No, Haley.” His eyes welled with tears, and he brushed his fingers along her jaw. “It’s late. It’s two years late.”
Reaching to remove the small box, he held it in front of her, flipping it open.
I’m not going to look. I’m not going to look.
“You don’t know how many times I thought about getting rid of this ring,” he said, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “I even put an ad on Craigslist. When some guy called about it, I just couldn’t let it go. I told him it wasn’t for sale. I guess God knew I would need it some day.”
Her voice came out with a warble as she grappled for excuses. “Gavin, this is too fast. You haven’t even asked my parents.”
“Your dad gave me permission a long time ago, and if he’s changed his mind—tough luck.”
And then she made a huge mistake—she looked. All her rational arguments disintegrated as if ground into dust and blown into the wind.
The ring was beautiful, a brilliant diamond in the center, surrounded by sapphires, in a white gold setting. It was exactly like the ones she’d always admired in the jewelry store windows.
“Oh!” she cried. “It’s perfect!”
Gavin’s eyes widened, filling with hope. Pushing the stool back, he knelt in front of her, removing the ring from the box and holding it out in his fingers.
Unfortunately, Daisy and Bo took this as an invitation to play, simultaneously jumping on him from one side, their hefty masses knocking him over. Haley covered her mouth but couldn’t keep her laughter from escaping through her fingers. Chuckling, he crawled back to his knees, scolding the dogs.
“Nice try, Haley. Clever play, using Bo and Daisy as a distraction. But...” His hand waved in front of her face, his mouth stretching in a victorious grin. “I’ve still got the ring.”
Deep inside her mind a battle raged—her longing to be with Gavin against her desire to protect him. “But how can we get married when we don’t know whether the cancer is back? It’s not fair to you.”
“Haley Martin...” His earnest eyes penetrated the last of her resistance. “If you marry me, I promise to treasure every moment we have together as if it’s our last, even if we live for a hundred years. So, will you walk with me as far as we can go?”
Her heart swelled until it was bursting from her chest.
“Yes,” she whispered.
And Gavin slipped the ring onto her finger... where it belonged.
Epilogue
The fingers of Haley’s right hand interlaced with Gavin’s, resting on her leg, as they sat in the matching chairs facing the empty imposing desk. She squeezed tight, trying to stop her trembling. Waiting to hear the news was the worst part, but at least Gavin was with her.
“You’re cutting off my blood circulation, Haley.” Gavin lifted her hand to place a kiss on her fingertips, flashing a crooked half-smile that crinkled his eyes. “Stop worrying so much. Everything will be fine, no matter what they tell us today. We’ve already talked about this.”
“I know, but I can’t help it. If it’s bad news—”
“If it’s bad news, we won’t give up.”
“Yes, but—”
“No but’s! God didn’t bring us this far just to abandon us.”
Haley puffed her cheeks as she blew out a breath. “You’re right. I know God has our lives in His hands, but it’s just hard to remember.”
Gavin nodded, still smiling, but as he glanced over his shoulder at the door, she saw a telltale crease on his forehead. His tension was apparent, despite his brave front.
The door opened and a woman in a white lab coat swept into the room. Striding swiftly to the desk, she waved Gavin back into his seat before he could rise all the way. “I’m so sorry to keep you waiting. Give me just a minute to pull up your file on the computer.”
Her fingers flew across the keyboard, each tap competing with Haley’s heartbeat for speed. A throb in Haley’s hand brought her attention to Gavin’s increasing grip. She cleared her throat, giving their hands a little shake, and he startled, relaxing his stranglehold with a sheepish grin.
“Sorry,” he mouthed, silently.
“Yes, here it is,” the woman muttered, her lips moving as her eyes tracked back and forth across the computer screen. “I’ve already read this, but I just want to confirm it before I give you the news.”
Haley attempted in vain to find a drop of saliva to swallow. She sent up yet another silent prayer, voicing the same plea she and Gavin had sent up before they came to the appointment. God, please help us to trust You, no matter what happens. We want Your will to be done in our lives.
The woman squared her shoulders, flattening her hands on the desk. Her opaque expression revealed nothing.
Hurry up... Just say it!
“Mr. and Mrs. Holiday... Kristy has chosen you to be her baby’s parents. You’re going to have a little girl!”
FROM THE AUTHOR
Thank you for reading Haley’s Hangdog Holiday. If you enjoyed the book, I hope you’ll take a moment to leave a review. Your words could help another person discover the book, and I treasure your feedback.
If you haven’t done it yet, you can listen to Haley singing You Are My Shepherd at http://www.tamiedearen.com/haleyssong/. And get new release information, exclusive content and giveaways when you sign up on the website for the monthly newsletter. You can also contact me on the website or email at tamiedearenauthor@gmail.com.
Read the next book in the series, Shara’s Happy New-foundland Year, coming December 20th.
About the Author
Tamie Dearen lives with her very romantic husband of thirty-three years. She has two beautiful daughters, two amazing son-in-loves, and two awesome grandsons. She plays piano, flute, harmonica, keyboards, and guitar and loves composing and art. And she hates housework. She has been a dentist in private practice for thirty years. Tamie stays busy playing keyboards on her church’s praise team and
teaching graduate students each week. In her spare time, she writes books. Follow Tamie on the website (TamieDearen.com) for news of the latest releases and monthly prize drawings and get a free copy of Her Best Match!
Books by Tamie Dearen
Sweet Romance
The Best Girls Series:
The Best is Yet to Come
Her Best Match
Best Dating Rules
Best Foot Forward
Best Laid Plans
Best Intentions
Sweet Romance
A Rose in Bloom
Restoring Romance
Fall Into Romance Boxed Set
Christian Romance
Noelle’s Golden Christmas
Haley’s Hangdog Holiday
Shara’s Happy New-foundland Year
Holiday, Inc. Boxed Set
The Alora Series
YA/Fantasy
Alora: The Wander-Jewel
Alora: The Portal
Alora: The Maladorn Scroll
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