Haley's Hangdog Holiday Page 15

  She looked up with moisture shining in her eyes. “Everything has changed, Gavin. I’ve changed. You think you love me, but you don’t even know me anymore. That wasn’t love—that was physical. Love is commitment, and I can’t commit to you.”

  Gavin felt like someone kicked him in the chest.

  “You can’t commit? Or you won’t commit?”

  “Gavin, it doesn’t matter. Either way, I...” She turned her face away. “I don’t love you.”

  “I don’t believe you,” Gavin cried, swiping angrily at the tears on his face. “Say it again! Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me!”

  “This is stupid, Gavin. I’m not playing games with you. Monday morning, I’m requesting a transfer to another division.”

  Hauling Bojangles out of the car, Haley stomped toward the door of Gammy’s house, every harsh step crushing his raw and tender heart. And Gavin knew, this time it would never beat again.

  Chapter Twenty

  “The answer is ‘No.’”

  Haley’s jaw dropped, but she bit her tongue.

  Gavin, however, went berserk.

  “What do you mean, ‘No’?” Gavin flung his arms about like he was directing an orchestra. “Did you not hear what I told you? We can’t work together, and Haley would like to be transferred to another division. I would strongly suggest you choose Division II.”

  “I heard what you said.” Gerard Holiday looked up from reading the letter on his desk with a bored expression. “I believe your exact wording was ‘irreconcilable differences,’ which is a plausible reason for a divorce. Are the two of you applying for a divorce?”

  “Of course not,” Gavin said. “But—”

  “Then work out your differences. And I won’t be very happy if this gets you behind schedule.”

  Haley chewed on her lip. “Maybe I should explain, Mr. Holiday... Gavin and I can’t work together because we have a conflict.”

  “Ah, I see...” Mr. Holiday nodded, as if contemplating this new information. “A conflict.”

  Haley gave a vigorous nod, as did Gavin. “Why didn’t you tell me before?” Mr. Holiday steepled his fingers together, regarding them with a pleasant smile. “In that case, you should go and talk to the personnel department.”

  “No, Dad... we don’t need counseling.”

  His smile disappeared. “At Holiday, Inc., you call me Mr. Holiday.”

  “I’m sorry, sir. I meant no disrespect.”

  “And if you can’t handle the personal issues within your team, then perhaps I should appoint a new division leader.”

  Gavin’s face turned almost purple, and the veins stood out on the side of his head, his jaw muscles bulging. Haley had seen that look before, and she knew what came next. Gavin was going to self-destruct before her eyes.

  As he opened his mouth, Haley grabbed his arm, yanking him off-balance.

  “We’ll work it out, Mr. Holiday.” She pulled Gavin toward the door, stumbling backwards. “Gavin is doing a fine job, and this issue is my fault.”

  Gavin jerked his arm away, glaring at his father, “No it isn’t Haley’s fault. It’s mine. But I don’t appreciate your threats when we came here—”

  Haley moved in front of Gavin, pushing on his chest, backing him out of the office. “Thank you, Mr. Holiday!” she called over her shoulder. “We’re all good now.”

  “Stop it, Haley,” Gavin mumbled, halting at the doorway. “I can handle this myself.”

  “Shut up, Gavin,” she muttered back. “Get out of here and cool down before you say something you’ll regret.”

  He let her shove him out the door and she kept going, backing him all the way to the elevator. By the time she reached out and pushed the elevator button, she was huffing for breath, and Gavin was almost smiling.

  “You’re stronger than you used to be,” he said.

  “Comes from dragging a stubborn fifty-five pound dog on a walk every day.”

  Inside the elevator, they stood in uncomfortable silence, staring at the numbers above the elevator door.

  “Haley, I’m sorry. You were honest with me and told me you only wanted friendship. I was the one who pushed you past your boundaries. It isn’t your fault you don’t have feelings for me anymore. I promise, I’ll back off and leave you alone.”

  His sweet apology shredded her heart more effectively than if he’d screamed at her. She wanted to tell him everything—tell him the truth—but she didn’t dare. Not now. Especially not now. Not until she went to the oncologist for another test. Not until she knew whether she was likely to be alive in two years. She couldn’t be that selfish.

  “I didn’t do anything to resist you,” was her rueful admission.

  His lips twitched in a smirk. “That’s an understatement.”

  She gave his arm a playful punch. “It wasn’t fair. You know I don’t have any willpower.”

  A shadow crossed over his features, pushing his eyebrows down. “Have you... have you dated anyone since me?”

  She debated whether to avoid answering, finally deciding the truth wouldn’t do any harm and might ease his mind.

  “No.”

  He was quiet, staring ahead, evidently finding her one-word answer hard to digest. Thirty seconds later, he tilted his head to the side and caught her gaze, his pupils disappearing in his dark chocolate eyes. Her heart sped up as she anticipated his next question.

  “Did you press our number when we got in the elevator? Because I think we’re still sitting on the top floor.”

  SOME DAYS GAVIN WISHED he didn’t have a private office. If he had a cubicle like the rest of his team, he could keep a better eye on Haley. He’d finally determined what had driven Haley away from him two years ago—her bulimia must have gotten out of control. It still made him angry that she wouldn’t trust him enough to support her when things were rough. Hadn’t he proven his love was unconditional? That he didn’t judge her? That he was committed for better or worse?

  Evidently not.

  For whatever reason, she hadn’t been able to trust him. Of course, if he confronted her about it now, she would withdraw further. But even without a constant watch, he noticed signs that Haley was struggling again.

  Or maybe she’s been struggling all along. It’s not like that ever really goes away, is it?

  Though it was hard to judge with thick winter clothes, her face seemed thinner, making her high cheekbones more pronounced. And he’d caught her coming and going from the ladies’ room more frequently than seemed normal. He knew she was running a lot, since she talked about going for runs after walking Bo each day, complaining that the stubborn dog absolutely refused to run a step, at least on leash. Not happy that she was running alone at night on the backcountry roads, Gavin offered to run with her, but she politely turned him down. She probably thought he would try to kiss her again, and she was probably right. He didn’t trust himself around Haley.

  Despite his concerns about the bulimia, he kept his suspicions to himself, knowing confrontation would only embarrass her or make her defensive. Since lack of control had been much of her bulimia issue in the past, he attempted to smooth the way for her at work, tackling the confusing problems on the Barnes and Barnes account on his own time.

  He’d developed a habit of circling through the cubicles of his entire team each day, stopping at every desk to inquire about their current accounts. This of course gave him an excuse for checking on Haley, though he tried not to linger suspiciously long at her cubicle.

  On one of these regular circuits, he arrived at Haley’s empty cubicle and thought to check out her work before she came back. He clicked on her computer mouse to exit her screensaver, expecting to see an excel spreadsheet, but found a website instead... FindLoveInDenver.com.

  The blood rushed to Gavin’s head. She doesn’t want a relationship with me, but she’s willing to go out with some stranger she meets online?

  He heard Haley’s voice a few cubicles away. She’s coming back! He hurriedly blacked
out the monitor and bent over a printout of a schedule on her desk, pretending to study it.

  “Gavin? What are you doing?”

  “I was just checking out your work. You know, to see how everything’s going, in case you need any help.” He picked the page up, running his finger down the columns, and placed it back on her desk. “Everything looks good.”

  She leaned back against the cubicle wall, crossing her arms, and gestured toward the paper with her nose. “You were checking my workout schedule?”

  “Uhmm...” I’m an idiot—I didn’t even read the stupid paper. His face felt hot, and he pulled at his collar, loosening his tie. “I... uh... I’m glad you’re staying healthy. It’s important to keep a good balance, you know.”

  Her eyes narrowed and she stared, as if she were waiting for him to say something else. Jamming his hands in his pockets, he scrambled for something to say. “Are you going to the Holiday, Inc. Christmas Party Friday night?”

  Her eyebrows lifted in a what-are-you-trying-to-hide expression. “Yes, I’m going. My plans haven’t changed since you asked me about it yesterday.”

  “Oh... right! Well... did you need anything else?”

  “I think I have everything under control. But, I suppose you could help me with one thing.”

  “Of course. What do you need?” Gavin smiled, relieved to finally have a purpose.

  “You could move so I can sit down at my desk.”

  WHEN GAVIN WAS GONE, Haley melted into her chair, shaking from head to toe.

  That was so close! I can’t believe he almost caught me looking at that dating place. If he knew I was thinking about making an account for him, he’d kill me!

  Haley knew Gavin needed to move on—to find someone to love—someone he could have a family and a future with. It would hurt to watch, but it hurt even more to see him hoping for a future with her.

  In the weeks since the elevator conversation, he’d been nothing but nice, in a totally platonic way, taking great care to avoid any casual physical contact. But even though his actions could only be described as that of a friend, she’d seen his expression a few times when he didn’t know she was looking. It was painfully obvious he would never pursue a new relationship as long as Haley was around. She even considered quitting her job, but she couldn’t take a chance of ever being without healthcare insurance.

  Then she got the bright idea of opening a dating account for him. She could screen the applicants while pretending to be Gavin and, when she found the right girl, she would explain it to the girl and arrange for them to meet accidentally. The plan was genius, but she’d been too busy to follow through.

  She’d made an appointment to see a new gynecological oncologist at the Denver Medical Center, one recommended by her doctor in Houston. She couldn’t stop worrying about it, no matter how much she prayed. Even calling her friend in Austin had done little to improve her anxiety.

  To make matters worse, Haley had experienced increased nausea since making the appointment. Though she’d been warned never to trust the Internet for information about her cancer, she’d done some online research anyway. Nausea was a possible symptom of recurrent ovarian cancer, and recurrent ovarian cancer survival rates were dismal.

  Her appointment was at three o’clock on Thursday, and Haley had made a dental appointment at one p.m. as a plausible reason to take sick leave for the afternoon. She hadn’t had her teeth cleaned and x-rayed in a while, so she was long overdue. With a shudder, she realized she had less than twenty-four hours before her oncologist appointment.

  She tried to concentrate on her work, but her mind kept wandering. Finally, she gave up. I know what I can do!

  She typed on her keyboard... FindLoveInDenver.com.

  GAVIN STARED AT THE dating website page. He wanted to get on and search for Haley’s profile, but the website required that you make an account to view the other profiles. The account was free, but he simply couldn’t bring himself to sign up and give his personal information.

  Frustrated, he tried to forget about it, checking the next day’s schedule, confused to find a conference call he and Haley arranged with Barnes and Barnes had been moved to the following day. Haley had added an explanatory note—Dental appointment—Sick Day.

  Could it be that Haley had made up an excuse so she could meet up with some pervert from this dating website? I guess I should be glad she has enough sense to make a date during the day rather than at night. Only one way to find out if she really has a dental appointment...

  He stood up, searching his office for the right excuse to visit her cubicle.

  HALEY SCANNED THE WEBSITE profiles. There are so many! How am I ever going to narrow this down? Hmm... she’s too pretty—probably stuck up. This one looks down-to-earth. Nope, she likes acid rock music—I bet she does drugs. How about this girl? She’s even a believer. Goes to church. And she likes skiing and boarding. Hmm... She’s too perfect—she might be better than me.

  “Haley, have you got a second?”

  Gavin! She jumped, knocking her knee on the desk. Heedless of the pain, she hit the escape button. Was I fast enough? Did he see anything?

  Gavin stood at her doorway, holding a button. “I’m sorry to bother you, and you can hit me if this is chauvinistic, but can you help me sew this button on my shirt? I’ve tried, but I can’t get the knot to stay right.”

  She searched his face for signs of anger. Nothing. He must not have seen the dating page. She was so relieved she didn’t make an objection to his stereotypical assumption that a woman would be better able to sew on a button.

  “Sure. I’ll be glad to help. I’m guessing you’ve got a needle and thread?”

  “I’ve got this little kit that came from a hotel.” He pulled a plastic box from his coat pocket.

  He found a needle, already threaded with white thread, and gave her the button, pointing to the shirt where the button was missing. She hesitated, already feeling the blood creeping its way up her neck. She would have to touch him in order to sew the button on.

  “Uhmm... should I...”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you want me to take my shirt off?”

  “No!” she shouted, as heat spread the rest of the way up her face to the top of her forehead. “I mean, there’s no need. It’ll only take a second.”

  With trembling fingers, she started sewing the button in place. Thankfully, the first time she poked her finger, it wasn’t hard enough to draw blood.

  “I noticed you have a dentist appointment scheduled tomorrow,” Gavin said. “What are you having done?”

  “It’s just a checkup,” she replied.

  “What time is your appointment?”

  “Why do you want to know?” Something’s fishy. Why is he being nosey about my appointment? Could he know I’m going to the oncologist? Surely not.

  “Just curious... since you took the whole afternoon off.”

  “My appointment’s at one, but I’m taking a half-day. I’ve got some... errands to run.

  He frowned, obviously still unsatisfied.

  “Who’s your dentist?”

  “If you must know, it’s Dr. Madison. Our family went to her every summer when we stayed here.”

  He smiled as if she’d given him a birthday present. “That’s where Noelle works.”

  “What?” Startled, her needle slipped, poking through his shirt.

  “Ow!” He jumped back and the needle fell, dangling from the button by the thread.

  “Sorry.” She picked the needle up, attempting to finish the job, though her fingers shook even harder than before. “Noelle works at a dental office?”

  “Yes, didn’t you know? She’s a hygienist. She’s been at Dr. Madison’s office for about five years now. She’ll probably be the one who cleans your teeth.”

  “That’s great,” she replied, hoping he couldn’t hear the sarcasm in her voice. Now Gavin’s sister will know about the cancer. Hmm... maybe I can change to another dentist....

  Chapter Twenty-On
e

  From his office window, Gavin watched Haley leaving for her afternoon off. Though it seemed the dental appointment was legit, he couldn’t help wondering what she was doing with the rest of her day. Even allowing for traffic, she could easily have made it back from her one o’clock appointment by three thirty, the original time scheduled for the conference call. He couldn’t help picturing her meeting some weirdo in the back booth at a seedy restaurant.

  He knew Haley was hiding something. She looked way too guilty when he casually questioned her about her afternoon plans.

  Fishing in his drawer, he found some ibuprofen and popped two in his mouth, swallowing without any water. Hopefully, he could kick this pounding headache and put Haley out of his mind so he could get some work done.

  At least she was coming to the Holiday, Inc. Christmas gala. He couldn’t wait to see her all dressed up. It was such a rare treat. And surely he could have a dance or two with her—strictly as friends of course—anything to have another chance to hold her in his arms...

  HALEY CLOSED THE MAGAZINE, placing it back on the table in the waiting room. After reading the first line of an article eight times without comprehending, she gave up. It was a shame—she would have liked to know how to make a Christmas wreath out of old Christmas cards. But she couldn’t concentrate. She was too busy worrying that Noelle would learn about her cancer.

  Haley knew she had to keep her appointment with Dr. Madison to avoid further suspicion from Gavin. As if she needed more to be anxious about—with her oncology appointment looming at three o’clock—she would now have to trust Gavin’s sister to keep her secret.

  At first, she considered simply lying. No one would know if she omitted the cancer from her health history. But last night on the phone, her old praise team friend pointed out that all of this might not be a terrible coincidence, but a providential occurrence. She advised Haley to talk to Noelle, knowing she was a believer. Who better to understand the agony she’d been through and give her words of encouragement?