Haley's Hangdog Holiday Page 7

  Haley felt an itchy hive reaction on her chest—it always seemed to happen when she talked to her mother.

  “Mom, we’re leaving early Saturday morning, and I’ll be at Gammy’s before bedtime. That’s only one day later than you. Anyway, I thought you liked Gavin.”

  “This isn’t about Gavin—it’s about you, Haley. I don’t understand why you’re avoiding me. You never answer your cell phone.”

  “That’s because you keep talking until you make me late for class! Mom, I really, really need to go.”

  “Fine,” she said in her pouty voice.

  “Okay, I love you.”

  “If you say so.”

  “Arghh! Goodbye, Mom!”

  Haley slipped into the back of the lecture hall as unobtrusively as possible. Though she attempted to listen to the lecture, the words bounced off like she had a glass shield around her brain. Dealing with her mother always rattled her concentration.

  Mom had been more difficult lately, probably because her father was traveling more often for work. In fact, he was going to be out of the country and wouldn’t be joining the family for Spring Break. Though Haley couldn’t wait to see Gammy and spend four days boarding with Gavin, she dreaded enduring time with her mother.

  Digging inside her purse, she located her box of emergency Reese’s Pieces. Yes! Ten minutes later, after consuming the entire box, her head was clear enough to understand the concept at hand.

  She logged in on her laptop, scrolling down to locate the lecture notes. A blue light flashed in the corner, and she opened a message from Gavin.

  Gavin: Hey, Hotpants!

  Haley: I’m in class. Stop trying to distract me so you can beat me.

  Gavin: Ha! Worthless endeavor. Want to go to lunch?

  She considered the idea. She’d planned to exercise after class, though lunch with Gavin sounded better. Still, she needed to burn five hundred eighty calories from the Reese’s Pieces. Plus, she was really craving fast food for dinner. With a quick calculation, she realized she would need to run for two hours to burn fifteen hundred calories.

  Haley: Can’t... Have to exercise.

  Gavin: Dinner?

  Haley: Yes! Chili dog, cheese fries, a chocolate shake.

  Gavin: You talked to your mom?

  Haley: How did you know?

  Gavin: How about soup and a salad?

  Haley: Cheese Burger, tater tots, ice cream.

  Gavin: That bad, huh?

  Haley: Awful.

  Several minutes later, Gavin still hadn’t responded, so Haley returned to the lecture notes, still smiling over their short interaction.

  Haley always did her absolute best to control every aspect of her life, to keep her house of cards upright as long as possible, a stressful balancing act. But to her surprise—since she’d always resisted being in a relationship during college—having Gavin in her life made things a bit easier. He treated her like a queen and never complained, while attending to her every need. At the same time, he didn’t coddle her in the academic arena. He studied as much as she did in an attempt to usurp her top position in the December graduation track of the iMPA program. Thus far, his presence in her life had only sharpened her competitive edge.

  There was only one thing missing in their relationship—he had yet to tell her he loved her. Of course, I haven’t said it either, but everyone knows the guy is supposed to say it first.

  She’d given him several prime opportunities, but he’d avoided speaking the commitment-filled words, using clever phraseology instead, stating the things he loved about her. She wondered if their restricted physical relationship had any bearing on his feelings, but she was too afraid to ask him.

  When class was over, she dashed out, intent on getting her exercise done so she could study. Fortunately, the lecture would be available online, so she could listen to the part she missed.

  “Haley!” Gavin’s voice called from behind her, and she turned to see him leaning against the wall looking scrumptious, with a two-day’s growth of beard accenting his chiseled jaw. “You walked right past me.”

  “I wasn’t looking for you. I was headed for the gym.” She moved out of the line of traffic, propping her shoulder on the wall as she faced him.

  His eyelids lowered halfway and he bent toward her, capturing her lips in a sweet kiss. Though it was quick and chaste, her pulse still quickened in response. He’d been so careful with the physical aspect of their relationship—too careful, in her opinion. He made sure they were never alone together where they could be tempted to go past the strict boundaries they agreed on. She figured he’d eventually tire of such a virtuous relationship and move on to greener pastures. Gavin claimed he was protecting her from his lack of control, to keep her pure. He spoke often of how strong her faith was and how he didn’t want to be responsible for hurting her relationship with the Lord. But deep inside, Haley knew she wasn’t the perfect believer he thought she was. She also knew one day he would discover the truth.

  Gavin assumed, as part of her church’s praise team, she lived out the message she sang each Sunday. But Haley often felt convicted by the words of the songs and prayed God wouldn’t punish her for being a hypocrite as she led worship. Everyone assumed, since she didn’t smoke or drink or curse or use drugs, her faith was rock solid. But in fact, she struggled constantly with anxiety, and with this secret knowledge about herself, she reasoned she couldn’t truly trust God to take care of her. Since God knew she was faking her faith, He might pull the rug from under her at any moment, just to teach her a lesson. To make matters worse, she felt she deserved it. Thus, she was stuck in a cycle of fear without faith, leading to even more fear.

  Gavin snagged her backpack out of her hands and slung it over his shoulder, taking her hand and walking toward the parking lot. “You know, our three-month anniversary is coming up during Spring Break.”

  Haley hadn’t given it a thought, but she played along, not wanting to hurt Gavin’s feelings. “That’s right.”

  The corner of his mouth curled up on one side. “Do you know the date?”

  “Uhmm...”

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You’re not much of a romantic, are you?”

  “I don’t initiate it, but I like it when you’re romantic. Doesn’t that count for something?”

  His arm slipped around her shoulder and pulled her against him as they walked.

  “Of course it does. A man likes having his woman appreciate him.”

  “So I’m your woman? That sounds kind of chauvinistic.”

  In a deep voice, he rasped out, “Me Tarzan. You Jane. You do as I say.”

  “Fat chance of that happening.”

  “I’ve noticed. I wouldn’t want a woman like that, anyway. I like that you have a brain and you use it.” He chuckled. “On the other hand, it might be nice if I could put a lock on that mouth of yours.”

  “Hmmm... So you want me smart, but dumb?”

  “How about smart, but silent.”

  She pressed her lips together, biting back a smile. Fine. We’ll see how he really likes it.

  “Anyway, how would you like to celebrate our anniversary?”

  Haley kept her eyes on the sidewalk in front of them.

  “Haley?”

  She didn’t respond.

  “Aha! This is the silent treatment, huh?”

  A giggle almost escaped her mouth.

  “Since you can’t talk, you can’t tell me not to do this.” He stepped in front of her and crushed her against him, kissing her hard, like she’d always imagined Rhett Butler kissing Scarlet.

  Someone passing by said, “Get a room,” after a chorus of laughter sent the blood rushing to her face. Gavin chuckled against her mouth, but continued to caress her lips with his, his fingers fidgeting at the back of her head and sending her hair cascading down as he removed the pencil with which she’d hastily secured a bun.

  When he pulled away, she pressed the back of her hand to her forehead and affected her best
southern-belle accent. “I do declare! You are a rascal and a scoundrel, Mr. Holiday!”

  LOVING THE WAY SHE responded to his kiss and the rosy color on her cheeks, Gavin smiled as he reached up to take her arm and stepped into the crosswalk. “Made you talk.”

  “You didn’t make me talk—I chose to talk.”

  “Fine. But I made you blush.”

  “Yes, by kissing me in front of the entire campus. You’ve got to stop doing that in public.”

  “I can’t. It’s the only place that’s safe to kiss you. If we’re in private, I might not be able to stop myself.”

  She shrugged and cleared her throat, mumbling, “Maybe I wouldn’t mind.”

  He coughed so hard he choked. Surely she didn’t say what I thought she said.

  “What are you saying, Haley?”

  “Nothing really. Just that... well... maybe it’s time. I mean, three months is a long time to date without... you know.” He’d only thought she was blushing before—now her cheeks were the color of strawberries.

  “I’m not going to be the one to ruin you, Haley.”

  “Be realistic, Gavin. You’re not ruined just because you had sex. Everyone else is doing it.”

  “Why are you saying this, Haley? Do you think because I had meaningless sex a few times when I was drunk out of my mind, I can’t wait until I’m married to do it again? Or is it because I’m a guy?”

  “No, I... forget it. Forget I said anything.”

  Gavin raged inside, though he kept his emotions hidden.

  What am I supposed to do? I want to tell her I love her, but she’ll think that means I expect sex. I’ve tried everything I can think of to convince her I don’t need that right now, but nothing works. Maybe some guy made her feel this way. Maybe she’s had sex and been hurt, but she’s afraid to tell me.

  They made it to the car without further conversation, but Gavin caged her against the door with his arms. “Haley, I want you to tell me the truth. Did you say that because you’re not a virgin? You know I won’t judge you if you aren’t. I’m certainly not one to judge.”

  A tear rolled down her cheek. “Everything’s so out of control, Gavin. My mother, my school, my weight... everything. I don’t want to lose you. You’re currently the only stable thing in my life. I thought maybe if we... slept together, you’d be more likely to stay with me.”

  “Haley!” He pulled her trembling form into his arms, pressing his lips against her hair. “You don’t have to sleep with me to keep me. I’m not going anywhere.”

  She gave a shuddery breath against his chest. “I don’t deserve you.”

  “No, it’s me that doesn’t deserve you, Haley. And I want you to know that has nothing to do with whether or not you’re a virgin. If I found out tomorrow you were lying about that, it wouldn’t change how I feel about you. You’re so beautiful. And you have the sweetest, most pure spirit. Remember when I told you your song spoke straight to my soul? That’s an amazing gift you have. Don’t ever change, Haley. Don’t compromise—not for me or for anyone else—not ever!”

  Somehow his words of comfort brought on a whole round of sobs, but he held her against him until she quieted, wondering if it could be a hormonal thing. Of course, having two sisters, he knew better than to ask.

  When her breathing steadied, he lifted her chin, staring into her sparkling blue eyes framed by wet lashes, her wavy red hair flowing around her like a lion’s mane. He placed a tender kiss on her lips, hating that her invitation lingered in the back of his mind. Praying for pure thoughts, he retrieved her car keys from the side pocket of the backpack where she always stored them. He led her to the passenger side, opening the car door.

  “Get in, and let me drive you somewhere.”

  “I can’t. I have things to do.” She ticked them off on her fingers. “Exercise, study, review class, eating, exercise...”

  “Not today. Please, trust me.” He set his lips, hoping she would cooperate, since he’d long ago given up trying to win an argument with her.

  With an expression like he was forcing her to watch a marathon of news documentaries, she slumped into the passenger seat, and he hurried to the driver’s side before she changed her mind. As they drove, he saw her checking the planner on her phone.

  “How long will this take, Gavin?”

  “It’s ten minutes from here.”

  “What? Where are you taking me?”

  “It’s a surprise.”

  “I don’t like surprises.”

  “I know... it’s good for you.”

  Haley’s lip curled. “Like a vaccination is good for you.”

  “Like a vacation is good for you.”

  “Maybe like getting a root canal.”

  “More like getting a root beer.”

  “I don’t like root beer. I like Coke Zero.”

  “You need to expand your taste buds—broaden your horizons.”

  “I need to go exercise—my horizon is broad enough already.”

  Haley patted the side of her exceedingly trim bottom, a sure sign that she needed a distraction. Gavin hoped his idea wouldn’t backfire.

  “You’ll have a chance to exercise. If you keep an open mind, I think you’ll really enjoy this.”

  “I’m not likely to enjoy anything I need an open mind for,” she grumbled.

  “Remember, Haley... the day I found you buried in the snow and forced you to ski with me all day, you really didn’t want to do it.”

  “Yes, I know, you remind me about it all the time. You won. I already admitted it.”

  “I like to think we both won.” He tried to keep the hurt out of his voice.

  Her stricken look told him he hadn’t succeeded. “I’m sorry, Gavin. Of course we both won. It’s just hard for me to let someone else have the upper hand. That’s why sometimes it’s hard to let God be in control.”

  “I’ve got news for you, Haley. He is in control, whether you let Him or not. So there’s no use trying to control things yourself. Anything could happen at any time. We could die in a car wreck before we get back to campus.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t say things like that.” Haley’s fingers gripped her backpack so hard her knuckles turned white.

  “Remember what Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount? All your worries can’t add a single moment to your life. So, if worry can’t accomplish such a little thing, why worry about the bigger things?”

  “I’ve always hated that verse,” Haley muttered, a hint of a smile giving away her facetiousness. “Worry is my biggest sin. And that worries me, too.”

  “You worry because you worry when God tells you not to worry?” Gavin chuckled. “I’m worried about you, Haley.”

  “No, seriously... You know how the Bible says God will give you trials to help you learn patience? Which happens to be a really good reason never to pray for patience, in my opinion...”

  “Ha! Yes, I know what you’re talking about.”

  “Well, doesn’t it make sense that He might do something similar to teach you not to worry? I figure a lesson about worrying is bound to be something awful.”

  “Haley, that’s the most backward, screwed-up scripture reasoning I’ve ever heard. Those verses about not worrying are teaching you to trust God because He loves you. It talks about how He takes care of the birds and the flowers...”

  “Those birds don’t have my academic stress, and those flowers don’t have to deal with my mother.”

  “I have just the cure for all your worries and stress—a great big dose of unconditional love.” Gavin pulled into the parking lot and pointed at the sign.

  “YOU BROUGHT ME TO AN animal shelter? Seriously? I have things to do—important things.”

  When he mentioned the word love, she thought she might finally hear those three fateful words—“I love you.” But no, he wants a dog to do the job. And Gavin’s smug expression only worsened her temper.

  “Haley, you promised to keep an open mind.”

  “No, I specifically r
emember not promising to keep an open mind.”

  “Then, I’m asking you to keep an open mind, just this once... because this is important to me.”

  Talk about feeling like a heel. Haley knew Gavin volunteered every week at the animal shelter, but she’d never even bothered to ask him what he did. He’d told her he started after his sister Noelle started volunteering back in Colorado. “Okay, but can we make it quick, whatever it is you have to do?”

  She followed him inside, turning up her nose at the musky animal smells.

  “Hey Gavin,” said a gorgeous blond coed manning the reception desk. “You coming to the Shelter Spring Fling on Friday?”

  “Hi Kyla. I haven’t decided about the party. How about you?” He accepted the nametag she pulled from a drawer at her desk.

  Does he always smile this big? It seems like I can see more of his teeth now than when he smiles for me.

  “Sarah and I are going for sure. And Jackie’s a maybe.” Kyla’s smile was even bigger than Gavin’s, and she kept giving him the onceover.

  I guess, if she looks him over more than once it’s a twice-over, or a thrice-over. He really does look good today. You can see his muscles through that t-shirt. Is that drool I see on Kyla’s lip? I can’t believe I’ve been letting Gavin come here without me.

  “Hi! I’m Haley—Gavin’s girlfriend.”

  Kyla gave her a limp-fish handshake, without taking her eyes off of Gavin.

  “Come on, Haley.”

  As she followed Gavin down the hallway, she could feel Kyla staring daggers into her back.

  “I think you have an admirer,” Haley commented.

  “Who? You mean, Kyla?” He waved his hand. “She’s harmless.”

  “I don’t know about that. I think she’d love to steal you away from me.”

  “There’s a girl here who might be able to steal my heart, but it’s not Kyla.”

  “Who is it?” Haley didn’t appreciate his flippant attitude, even if he was teasing her.

  He opened a heavy metal door leading into a wide hallway with metal kennels on each side. Barking and whining bombarded Haley’s ears as they walked through, with Gavin calling most of the excited dogs by name as if they were old friends. About five kennels down, he knelt on the floor, sticking his hand through the bars to pet a dog whose howls sounded above all the others. Gavin yelled to be heard above the din. “This is the girl who I might fall in love with. Her name is Daisy.”