Haley's Hangdog Holiday Page 9

  “I don’t understand. I don’t know what I did wrong. It’s like Haley just dropped off the face of the earth, and she’s doing everything possible to avoid me. No Facebook page. Her cell number doesn’t work. The email address is wrong. I drove all the way to Houston to your parents’ house, and her Mom met me outside and wouldn’t let me in.”

  “I’m not supposed to talk to you.” Tad’s hoarse voice was thick with emotion. “I really like you Gavin, but I have strict instructions.”

  “Tad, please! I’m in love with your sister, and I’m going crazy here.”

  “I don’t know...”

  Gavin sensed a crack in Tad’s defense. “You don’t have to give me her number or anything. Just tell me what you know. Please. I’ll do anything.”

  A heavy sigh sounded over the phone. “Gavin, I’m as clueless as you are. I don’t even know what happened between you two. I haven’t talked to Haley since she left Gammy’s at the end of summer break. Mom is the one who called to tell me you guys had broken up and Haley needed some space. So I truly don’t know what’s going on with my sister. I’m sorry, man. I thought you guys were good together.”

  “Does that mean Haley’s not coming up here for Christmas break? I thought your family always spent the holidays with your grandmother.” His last hope of seeing Haley was crumbling before him.

  “They told us they weren’t coming this year, but...” Tad choked, his voice cracking when he spoke again. “My grandmother passed away. So they’re coming up for the funeral.”

  “Gammy died? I’m so sorry, Tad! I had no idea.”

  Tad sniffed. “It’s okay. We’re just shocked about it. I mean, she was so healthy. Almost ninety years old and still living by herself. A neighbor went to check on her when she didn’t open up her henhouse yesterday morning.”

  “When is the funeral?”

  “I... I don’t know if you should come, Gavin. Mom was pretty adamant that Haley didn’t want to see you.”

  “I’m not going to cause a scene. But I really liked Gammy. I want to go to the service. I’ll keep my distance if Haley really doesn’t want to talk to me.”

  “Look... I have to tell Haley you’re planning to be there. If she gets really upset about it, I may call you and ask you not to come.”

  “I don’t know if I think that’s fair, but I’ll abide by it if that’s what Haley says.”

  Gavin hung up, feeling like his emotions had been fighting a nuclear war. Sadness for Gammy’s passing. Heartache that Haley seemed to hate him now. Anger and confusion that she must believe some untruth about him. He’d done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment.

  The email she sent had been so emotionless, as if someone other than Haley had written it. Only the postscript sounded genuine, though it wounded him that she felt more love for Daisy than for him.

  Dear Gavin,

  I’m sorry to tell you this in an email, but it seemed the best way to communicate at this point. I know I led you to believe I wanted a permanent relationship with you, but I feel God is leading me in a different direction. I need to work out some things in my life, and I need to do it on my own. I’ve decided to take a year off from college until I know the right path for my future.

  You are a great guy and you deserve someone who can commit to you with her whole heart. I’m not that person. Please don’t take this letter as a sign that I’m angry with you. But please don’t take it as a promise that I want you to wait for me, either. We both need to move on with our lives.

  Please don’t try to contact me. Trust me when I tell you, it’s for the best.

  Sincerely,

  Haley

  PS Give Daisy a hug from me.

  Receiving the email devastated him completely, with pain so intense he’d been unable to concentrate on studies and lost his appetite. His emotions ranged from hurt and confusion, to worry and panic, to rage and indignation.

  Her use of the God-card infuriated him each time he reread the email, which he’d done so many times he had it memorized. Who can argue when you say, “God is leading me?” Of course, he couldn’t argue with her at all, since she’d cut off all communication.

  Gavin’s father, ever the rock, had flown all the way to Austin to see him and, contrary to Gavin’s fears, had cried with him instead of minimizing his pain. It was the first time his dad ever told the story of his hurt and struggles after Gavin’s mother died suddenly, leaving his father alone with three children to raise.

  So, with the prayer and support of his family and friends, Gavin had pulled himself together enough to make passing grades that fall, though his hopes of winning the fifth-year fellowship disappeared without a trace. It was just as well, since Gavin determined there was no place he would rather work than with his own father at Holiday, Inc.

  It seemed he might have one last opportunity to reach Haley—though it was a terrible time to approach her—at her grandmother’s funeral. But deep in his heart, he believed she still loved him.

  She couldn’t have faked it all that time... could she?

  “ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE okay that Gavin’s going to be at the funeral today?” asked Tad, who had been incredibly sweet and sensitive since she’d flown into Colorado with their parents. Of course he’d been shocked when she arrived, her sweater cap doing little to conceal the fact that her formerly thick red hair was gone. With less than an inch of regrowth, she couldn’t hide her cancer treatment from anyone in public.

  When Tad picked his jaw up off the ground, he cried and hugged her, holding her gently as if he thought she would break. After that, his conciliatory manner almost broke her heart. Hungry for a little verbal sparring, she finally cajoled him into a spirited fight or two, the first time she’d felt any semblance of normalcy since her diagnosis.

  Her mother seemed even more bothered by her hair loss than Haley, going to extremes to keep her secluded in the house, away from prying eyes. None of her parents’ friends were aware that Haley had cancer or chemotherapy treatment. Haley figured it had something to do with her mom trying to protect her social standing. Whatever the reason, she didn’t care. Since she didn’t have any friends in the neighborhood where her parents now lived, she wasn’t missing out on any social interaction.

  “I’ll be fine. Since we’re only having a graveside service, I’m wearing a black wool cape with a hood. And underneath, I’ll have my head wrapped in this scarf.” Haley pointed to the chair where she’d laid out her clothes for the funeral, but the scarf was nowhere to be seen. “What happened to my scarf?”

  Bojangles chose that moment to come flouncing into the room on his awkward short legs, tripping on a piece of ragged black fabric trailing behind him.

  Tad had the good grace to blush. “I’m sorry, Haley.”

  “I swear, I’m going to kill that dog!”

  “He’s still a puppy—only a year old.”

  “I’m not expecting a lot of improvement when he grows up. He’ll just be louder and slobberier.”

  “That’s not even a word.”

  “It is. It was coined in the eighteen hundreds to describe the increasing amount of slobber produced by Bassets as they age.”

  “You know Basset Hounds are considered a very noble breed. George Washington received a pair of Bassets as a gift from Lafayette.”

  “Typical man, thinking a pair of short slobbery dogs would be a good housewarming present. I’ll wager at some point, those dogs got ahold of Washington’s wooden teeth and chewed them to smithereens.”

  Tad made a vain attempt to distract Bojangles from his black-material chew toy. “I’ll buy you a new one.”

  “You don’t have time to buy me a scarf before the funeral.” Haley fumbled through her suitcase, looking for a replacement, but found nothing suitable in her bright-colored collection. She straightened, propping her hands on her hips. “Just get that one back from Bo, and I’ll make it work. It’ll be mostly covered up anyway.”

  Bo steadfastly refused to give up the scarf until
Tad offered him a treat. Dashing out of the room with his doggie jerky, Bo left the scarf, soggy and tattered, on the floor behind him. Haley picked it up, gingerly folding it so the majority of the wet, torn edges were in the back, where the hood would hide them.

  She waited until Tad left the room before taking the painstaking care to draw in tiny eyebrow hairs where hers were missing. There was nothing to do for her lack of lashes, but eyeliner and shadow drew the attention away. Finishing her look with a sheer black veil, she felt confident Gavin would never suspect the extra camouflage job her coverings provided. He had promised to keep his distance, and she didn’t plan to give him any reason to change his mind.

  She could have insisted he not attend Gammy’s funeral, and part of her wanted to do just that. But the other part longed to see him again, if only for a moment—longed to know that he was okay.

  Tad had told her about his phone conversation with Gavin while she was getting ready for bed, bringing on a fresh bout of tears, so that he instantly apologized for hurting her. He didn’t criticize her decision to block Gavin from her life—not openly—but she saw the question in his eyes.

  “I had to do it, Tad. I didn’t have a choice.”

  “Couldn’t you have at least told him why? He doesn’t understand at all. I don’t even understand why you didn’t tell me.”

  “I couldn’t tell you, because if anyone else knew, there was a chance Gavin would find out. Don’t you see? If I’d told Gavin, he would’ve sacrificed his happiness for me. He would have given up his dream of having children, and he might’ve been a widower at an early age.”

  “Don’t say that, Haley—you’re not going to die!”

  “Probably not. But my stage of cancer only has a 78 percent, five-year survival rate, so it isn’t a sure thing.”

  Tad looked away, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “It still seems like you should have let him decide for himself.”

  “I talked to Mom about it a lot, and we decided this was the right thing to do.”

  “What did your pastor say about it?”

  Haley’s throat felt tight, the way it always did nowadays when the subject of God came up. “I didn’t have time to talk to anyone at my church.”

  His brows bent down, shadowing his eyes. “It’s been four months, Haley. You still haven’t had time to talk to anyone at your church? What’s up with that? I thought you were really into God and faith and all that stuff. Didn’t you sing at your church?”

  “I did, but...” At the moment, Haley really didn’t want to think about God. She was still so angry about the cancer, and now He’d taken her grandmother away too. “In the end, I think I don’t have enough faith—that’s why all this stuff happened to me. I think God was punishing me for pretending to be something I’m not. And that’s another reason Gavin and I couldn’t stay together. He didn’t realize it, but his faith was always a lot stronger than mine.”

  Tad’s eyes looked as sad as Bo’s. “Are you saying you don’t believe in God anymore? Like... you don’t think Gammy’s in heaven, and we’ll never see her again?”

  She hugged him, and they clung together, as if they could keep the reality of Gammy’s loss at bay.

  “I still believe God’s real, and I think Gammy’s in heaven,” she said, wetting his shirt with her tears. “But I’m not sure I’ll ever learn to trust Him the way I’m supposed to. At this point in time, I don’t even know if I want to.”

  GAVIN WAS GLAD HE HAD an excuse for his red-rimmed eyes. Seeing Haley again—having her so near, longing to talk to her, aching to hold her but not being able to approach her—was more torturous than he’d ever imagined. He couldn’t even see her face, covered up as she was. He’d hoped... what had he hoped? That by some miracle she would change her mind when she saw him? That she would come running and fall into his open arms? That she would say she’d made a huge mistake and beg him to take her back?

  He risked another glance her direction as the preacher led the closing prayer. None of those things had happened, as he should have known. As far as he knew, she’d never even looked at him—it was hard to tell under all that black netting.

  He hated her mourning garb, draped over her, completely covering her from head to toe, denying him even a brief glimpse of her glorious red hair, her sweetly-freckled cheeks, her pouty red lips, her heart-melting blue eyes. No one else in the family was cloaked so completely. She must have chosen her outfit purposefully, to prevent him from penetrating the wall she’d erected to keep him away.

  Dawn’s eyes met his, sending a killer glare, and he turned his head away. What had happened to make Haley’s mother despise him so? Why had everyone turned against him?

  With a hearty “amen” the preacher concluded the service, inviting the attenders to speak to the family. Remaining true to his promise, Gavin made no attempt to confront Haley. But I didn’t say I wouldn’t talk to the rest of the family.

  He found Tad, and pulled him aside, placing an encouraging hand on his shoulder. Her brother’s swollen eyes attested to his emotional state.

  “I’m sorry about Gammy. She was an amazing person, and I know you’ll miss her.”

  Tad nodded, blowing out a slow breath that crystalized in the crisp air like he’d been smoking a cigarette. “It’s really pretty here. I like all the trees and the view of the mountains. I think she’ll be happy here.”

  Gavin hesitated, confused by his word choice. “Of course, Gammy’s not here, you know—just her body. She was a devout believer, Tad. I talked to her about the Lord quite a few times. I’m sure she’s with Jesus now.”

  He tilted his head, and looked away. “I guess so. I don’t know what to believe anymore.”

  Feeling convicted that he’d been obsessed with his own pain while Tad was simultaneously struggling with his faith and the loss of his grandmother, Gavin prayed for the right words.

  “I can’t imagine how you’re feeling, Tad. But if you ever need someone to talk to, you’ve got my cell number.”

  Tad’s eyes closed, and he pressed his lips tight, like he was barely holding himself together. “Have you ever lost someone? I mean, has someone you loved ever died?”

  “Yes. I lost my mother,” said Gavin. “But I can’t pretend it was the same, because I was so young when it happened.”

  “But do you... are you positive there really is an afterlife?”

  “I believe it with all my heart.”

  Tad’s watery eyes locked with his, as if searching for something. “Okay.” He whispered the word, almost like a prayer. “Okay, maybe it’s true. I want it to be true. I really do.”

  “Would you like me to pray with you?” Gavin asked. “I don’t think anyone is watching us.”

  “Yeah.” Tad swiped his eyes with his sleeve. “That’d be great.”

  Gavin leaned in closer, sliding his arm around Tad’s shoulder, and bowed his head, speaking in a low voice. “Father, I want to pray for my brother Tad, right now. You know his heart, Father, and You know how much he’s hurting and how he misses Gammy already. I pray that You would give him that peace that only You can give—the peace that passes all understanding. Let him feel Your comfort. Help him find the assurance he needs. Let him know Your promises are true. Help him to trust in You. In Jesus’ name, I ask You these things. Amen.”

  “Thanks, Gavin.” Tad gave him a weak smile. “It makes me feel better that I’m not the only man crying today.”

  Gavin hadn’t even realized there were tears on his cheeks. Embarrassed, he dashed his hand across his face, hoping Haley hadn’t seen him. His pride didn’t want her to think he was crying over her. He glanced to the spot where Haley had been sitting on the front row of chairs.

  But she was gone.

  Chapter Twelve

  August—nine months later

  “I can’t decide what to wear to the Welcome Dance next week. I’m either going with a short and sexy dress—you know, one that shows off my legs—or I’m going long and glam, maybe
backless. What do you think, Gavin?”

  “Hmmm?” Gavin mumbled, scrolling through the morning news on his phone.

  Rachel slammed her hand on the table, rattling the silverware and drawing the attention of the nearby tables in the restaurant. “You never listen to me, Gavin. It makes me feel like you don’t think I’m important. What are you looking at on your phone, anyway?”

  “I’m sorry, Rachel. But there’s no need to make a scene. Everyone is staring.”

  “You made the scene when you ignored me while you played with your cell phone. Don’t you know how rude that is?” She pushed her lower lip into a pout, somehow managing not to smear her shiny pink lipstick in the process.

  “Don’t be mad.” Resigned, Gavin closed the news report, giving his full attention to Rachel and his now-cold coffee. He knew it had been a bad idea to go with Rachel to the local coffee house before class. He really liked his morning routine—a cup of coffee, alone with his thoughts, with time for prayer and contemplation. But Rachel wanted to join the throng at the newest specialty coffee shop, where everyone stared in shock when he ordered a cup of black coffee.

  He thought for a moment the confused girl behind the counter might tell him they didn’t serve black coffee—that he had to add some weird flavoring if he was going to purchase a beverage at this upscale place. She finally asked him if he could please pick something from the menu, as she wasn’t sure what he wanted. So he chose a latte, hold the milk, which came out as a rather bitter concoction he didn’t particularly care for. No matter... he’d already had a real cup of coffee at his apartment before he came.

  Rachel was what her father referred to as high-maintenance. She seemed to thrive on constant attention and a whirlwind of social activities. Although this demanding lifestyle didn’t exactly jive with Gavin’s, she ticked off on all the other things on his list. He’d recovered his original Qualities of My Future Spouse on his computer shortly after Christmas break, when he’d finally given up his tenacious dream of reuniting with Haley.